They're All Grown Up! Guiding Your Child's Leap into Adulthood

When your child hits 18, they're legally an adult, even though they still have plenty of growing up to do (even if they don’t think so!). At this age, their health and financial information is shielded by privacy laws, just like any other adult. Yet, they're still your child, and you want to be there in a crisis. Without prior planning, you won’t be able to step in and support them.

As an estate planning attorney, I often see families taken aback by this reality. Many parents assume they’ll always have a say in their child's medical and financial matters. But legally, you have as much access to their information as you do to a stranger's (which is none).

The silver lining is that with proper planning, you can guide your newly-minted adult child through this transition and ensure you’re ready to step in if needed. Here, I’ll outline three strategies to make this shift to adulthood as smooth as possible for you and your child.

Strategy 1: Enlightenment

The first step in navigating the transition to adulthood is enlightenment. At my firm, every client relationship begins with education, because we believe knowledge is power. Empowered individuals make the best choices for themselves and their families. Young adults also need this empowerment through learning. The more they understand their new financial and legal responsibilities, the better they’ll be at making sound decisions.

If you haven’t started discussing legal and financial matters with your child yet, now is the perfect time. Begin with a budgeting method we call “money mapping.” Teach them the importance of tracking their income and expenses, setting financial goals, and making wise investments for both the present and the future.

Guide them through the basics of banking: how to use checking and savings accounts, the benefits of maintaining a good credit score, and help them set up their own bank account if they don’t already have one. Explain how to avoid overdrafts and the importance of monitoring their balance. Introduce them to responsible credit usage, explaining how credit cards work, the significance of paying off balances in full each month, when carrying a balance is acceptable, and the long-term benefits of building a strong credit history.

Also, address their new tax responsibilities. Show them how to file taxes, what documents they need, and how to interpret their W-2 forms or 1099 status. Emphasize the importance of keeping accurate records and navigating basic tax software.

Healthcare is another vital area for your child to understand. Inform them that you can no longer make medical decisions for them or access their health records without their consent. I’ll outline the essential documents they need shortly, but first, let's discuss the importance of communication in properly documenting their wishes.

Strategy 2: Foster Open Communication

Adulthood often involves having difficult conversations (as if you needed a reminder!). Two crucial discussions to have with your child revolve around their healthcare and financial decisions in the event of an emergency.

First, let’s acknowledge that thinking about your child in a medical emergency is tough, let alone talking about it. This will probably be harder for you than for them. Take a deep breath. You can do this!

Once you’ve calmed yourself, have an open conversation about what your child would want in various medical scenarios. If they were incapacitated, who would they want making decisions on their behalf? Both parents or one first, then the other? Or is there someone else they trust for these decisions? Be open to the possibility that they may want to include other people, and appreciate their honesty in sharing this with you.

Do they understand what a ventilator is and whether they’d want one if necessary? What about a feeding or hydration tube? And resuscitation? It's important to discuss these things so your child’s wishes are clear and can be honored. Who would they want to have access to them in case of an accident or illness? Once you have these answers, help your child create a healthcare directive and medical power of attorney.

Have similar conversations about finances. Do you know what financial accounts they have? If they’re in college, how will you handle tuition or housing payments if they’re incapacitated? Will you be able to access their checking account if bills need to be paid? Your child might be reluctant to discuss these matters, but assure them your goal is not to infringe on their autonomy. You simply want to be there for them if needed.

Strategy 3: Legal Safeguards

After having these crucial conversations, it’s essential to stress the importance of formalizing your child’s wishes through a comprehensive legal plan. At a minimum, your adult child’s legal plan should include the following documents:

Health Care Proxy and Advance Directive: A health care proxy allows someone, typically you, to make medical decisions on your child’s behalf if they cannot. An Advance Directive complements this by specifying their medical treatment preferences in various situations, ensuring their wishes are followed even when they can’t communicate them.

HIPAA Authorization: The HIPAA Authorization is crucial. While HIPAA (Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act) protects patient privacy, it can also prevent you from accessing your child’s medical information without their explicit permission. By signing a HIPAA Authorization, your child ensures you can communicate with doctors and receive updates on their condition.

Living Will: A Living Will outlines your child’s preferences regarding end-of-life care, such as whether they want life-sustaining treatments. Documenting these preferences provides clarity and guidance during challenging times, ensuring their wishes are respected.

Power of Attorney: A Power of Attorney enables your adult child to appoint someone (usually you) to manage their financial affairs if they’re unable to do so. This includes paying bills, managing bank accounts, and handling investments. Without this document, you might struggle to step in and assist when needed.

Additionally, your adult child may need a plan for what happens after death, which would require a will or trust. Reach out to me, and I can educate you and your child on whether post-death planning is necessary at this stage in their life.

Life circumstances change, so remind your child to review and update their documents regularly. Encourage them to revisit their decisions periodically, especially after significant life changes such as marriage, moving to a new state, or starting a new job. At my firm, we maintain ongoing contact with our clients to ensure they never have to remember on their own to update their plan. We take care of that for you.

Taking the Next Step

Now that you're equipped with three strategies for navigating your child’s transition into adulthood, the next step is to book an appointment with our firm. We can support you in having these important conversations and help establish your child’s legal plan.

Before you decide that you don’t need an attorney and can rely on a cheap online tool or even AI, consider what’s at stake: your child’s health, well-being, and growth. This is also an opportunity to teach your child about prioritizing what matters most. When you work with me, one of the best things I can do is get to know your children as they become adults. Ideally, it will be me (or my firm) they turn to for guidance throughout their lifetime, and to be there for them when you can’t be. No inexpensive legal plan can offer that level of personalized support.

Guidance for You and Your Emerging Adult

As a Personal Family Lawyer Firm, we recognize that the journey into adulthood can be complex for both you and your child. Understanding the legal changes that accompany turning 18 and leveraging the three crucial legal documents (and the essential conversations that come with them) highlighted in this article will enable you to provide the support and guidance your child needs. But you don’t have to face this transition alone.

We’re here to educate both you and your child about their new legal responsibilities, facilitate those challenging conversations, and assist your child in crafting a thorough legal plan.

Reach out to us to discover how our Life & Legacy Planning process can help your family make the best decisions about what truly matters. Click here to schedule a 15-minute conversation:

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This article is a service of 20WestLegal LLC. We don't just draft documents; we ensure you make informed and empowered decisions about life and death for yourself and the people you love. That's why we offer a Planning Session, during which you will get more financially organized than you've ever been before and make all the best choices for the people you love. You can begin by calling our office today to schedule an Initial Planning Session and mention this article to find out how to get this $750 session at no charge.

The content is sourced from Personal Family Lawyer® for use by Personal Family Lawyer® firms, a source believed to be providing accurate information. This material was created for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as ERISA, tax, legal, or investment advice. If you are seeking legal advice specific to your needs, such advice services must be obtained on your own separate from this educational material.